Response to Between the Earth and Stars podcast "I and Thou" episode 50

From Between the Earth and Stars podcast

Oriara Helene asked at the end of episode 50 ("I and Thou") a question that intrigued me.  She asked, "Who would you be if you didn't think something was wrong with you"

I realize that isn’t specifically witchy, but following a path that is often focused on the self and self-empowerment, I wanted to explore the idea.  I could easily rattle off a list of the things that I think are “wrong” with me, but I don’t think that’s the point.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t things about myself I want to change.  I do want to change things, but these aren’t the things that are “wrong with me” – I hear the phrase, and I automatically think of the things that I cannot change.  Like I could be taller – but I cannot change that.  But what can I change and are these things “wrong” are simply traits I do not want?

That is the heart of the issue for me – reminding myself that nothing is “wrong” with me.  I can change things about myself, traits, behaviors, attitudes – but I do not want to think of these things as innately wrong with me.

It occurs to me that the real question is “who would I be”? Would I be more successful? I don’t think so.  I have the career that I worked for and wanted (and still want).  Yes, there are things I would like to have in my career, mostly a full-time position – but would a different me really have a better chance?  I have no issue with changing my philosophies about my job, learning and adopting new techniques, and striving to be better at what I do. So in work, I don’t think there is anything “wrong” with me.

Ultimately, it becomes a balancing act.  To be open to improvement, to be open to change, but also to remember that somethings about myself are not “wrong” or “broken.”  They may be traits that I (or society) views as negative or less than valuable.  In some cases, they may be traits worth leaving behind – but in other cases, perhaps these “wrong” traits are not the problem.

Oriara seemed to be asking the question in regard to her own exploration of being an introvert.  Generally, the qualities of the introvert are not perceived as beneficial.  It surprises people to learn that I am an introvert.  I’m actually very shy.  I know I can stand in front of a room full of students with no problem, but it’s still true.  Like any introvert, I am also sensitive – some might say too sensitive.  I feel things very keenly.  While this can make intrapersonal conflicts difficult, I think it is a trait that serves me very well in my work.  It also can work to my benefit in my relationships.  It means I care, it means I have empathy, and it means that I strive to not hurt others.

Ultimately, even if I had a magic wand (which I actually do), and could change everything about myself – it wouldn’t matter.  I need to remember to look at the traits I think are “wrong with me” and consider what they actually help make me.  If in the end, the traits are actually a problem, I can work towards change.  But I can also recognize what these traits bring me and how they help make me who I am – in a positive way.